Before and After can be a Painful Reminder

The picture above is me on July 4th, 2013 vs me on July 4th 2017 (minus at least 40 lbs.)

One thing that I have mentioned a lot so far on my blog is how a few years back I lost 40 lbs, after completing a New Year’s Resolution in 2015. Losing weight and becoming wellness focused is a brink of midnight moment in my life that has changed me in mind, body, and spirit, (also check out the Brink of Midnight podcast if you are looking for some new motivational podcasts).

Now, losing weight, or a certain number on the scale has taken a back seat to other goals and dreams. I can tell without weighing myself if I am making healthy choices or not, and can feel changes in my body without stepping on a scale.

What I haven’t gotten over is looking at old pictures of myself. And now our phones and facebook constantly remind us what we looked at in years past. If I come across an old picture thoughts creep into my head like:

Ew I can’t believe I walked around like that

How did I let myself go so badly

I just look sad and can tell how uncomfortable I was

Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked to fat

It’s the sad uncomfortable truth. I can say that I have gotten into a habit of trying to immediately change my mindset when these negative thoughts come into my head. Having such negative about yourself, even your past self, is completely toxic, so I try to pivot them into thoughts like:

How lucky am I to have people around me that love me no matter what I look like

My body has to be so happy it’s not carrying around dead weight

Think about how much longer and happier life you will live

Look how far I have come

Kado in 2014 vs Kado 6 monthes into 2015 -30 lbs.

Although most of the time I have moved on from anything resembling my past unhealthy lifestyle, I still feel pain when I look at pictures from my heavier days. What really spurred this recently was putting on an old shirt on the Fourth of July. I don’t own many articles of clothing that are older than a year or two. I really purged everything that doesn’t fit. Thank you Plato’s closet.

There was a time when I planned on stashing a few pairs of my old pants at my mom’s house, just in case I gained the weight back. I’m so glad my mom didn’t let me, and reassured me that I would never turn back to that unhealthy of a lifestyle. The pants are really a metaphor for letting go of the past and looking into the future.

So almost everything that didn’t fit I purged, but hey, I had to save my trustee old American flag shirt. I mean it always comes in handy once a year. Well I put it on this year and thought back to an old photo I cringe at. The stringy sides of my shirt are completely pulled tight and I just see all the weight in my face. Now this shirt is actually baggy and I can really see the changes in my waist and face.

I think I look alot healthier and active in my most recent picture. Which makes me realize that in another couple years when I look back at pictures, I will thank myself for making healthier choices, rather than continuing the path that I was on. So like the clothes I purged, I need to purge the negative thoughts, because they don’t fit anymore.

Overall what I have realized about looking at old pictures is that I need to let go of the past and look forward to the progress I will make as an active healthy life eventually pays off.

What are your thoughts on before and after pictures? Let me know in the comments.

Let go of the past and look towards the future,


Half Marathon Update: Discipline

I started actually training for my half marathon on April 14th, and I wrote a blog post about it on April 17. Looking back I am so happy I wrote this post, it helped me to really manifest this idea and put it out into the universe. I highly recommend writing down goals so that you can look back and be reminded to keep working hard.

While I have made a ton of progress towards my goal in the last couple months, in the last few weeks I have hit some speed bumps when it comes to my discipline. Starting my summer job definitely threw me out of my typical routine, it is understandable that I need to make some adjustments, but I also lacked discipline on a couple weekends in a row which really hurt my progress. Weekends have been really crucial to my training, because Sunday is long run-day.

One thing that has become even more apparent to me when it comes to training is the impact of good nutrition. I’ve known this for sometime, but now I get so excited when I have a great breakfast or dinner and time it perfectly to have a successful run. It’s rewarding to reap the benefits from hard work in the kitchen.

My go-to breakfast, which is pretty much my breakfast everyday is two eggs, two pieces of sprouted wheat toast, two slices of bacon, and a small avocado. This may sound like a ton of calories, but I have no reason to be afraid of that. It’s also a meal full of fats, which really gives me fuel to be a busy body all day. Everyone is different but I have figured out that a big breakfast works best for my body, and I love not being hungry/hangry at all in the morning.

I determined a long time ago that dairy does not sit well in my stomach, and when it comes to running it really slows me down. I have been trying my hardest to cut out dairy although it is a slow process. Although I will never give up my yogurt and ghee, because I’m all about that gut health. The real challenge for me is cutting out cheese!

Although training in the summer has been great because I have extra time #teacherlife, there are also many other temptations to go out on weekends in the summer. There are so many things going on in the midwest during this time of year, when the weather is nice and it’s light out so late. I had my fun two weekends in a row, but my training schedule was neglected, and I was feeling down on myself.

I decided to fuel my frustration with myself into true discipline. My mentality over the last couple weeks has been to take training for this half marathon as seriously as if I were a professional athlete. Almost anyone can finish a half marathon, but I want to be running fast, like close to under two hours fast. THERE, I said it.

Although the training is the most important part to becoming an improved runner, I got a camelbak running waterbottle. Also as an early birthday gift I got some bluetooth running headphones (Thanks Mom!). I am really starting to look the part.

So now that I am really throwing it out there and challenging myself, I know I have to work hard to accomplish my goal.

I finally was able to finish a ten mile run last Saturday, and it was invigorating. I kept my pace around 10 mins/mile, although it was very hot. Then, on Sunday I put the cherry on top of a disciplined weekend and ran another 4 miles, for a total of 22 miles for the week. After missing most of my training for two weeks in a row and not treating my body as my temple, I am back! It really took some extra push to go out the day after my long run, but I am pushing myself and starting to see results in my times.

Going back to writing things down, I have a been writing down my runs in a planner and sticking to them as if it were set in stone and really just an appointment that I have no choice but to attend that day. I also alway say “I get to run today”, rather than “I have to run today”. Even if I’m not feeling it when I start I always thank myself after a run.

Some other running related things that I really have been focusing on are, getting to bed early so that I can wake up early, eating healthy + cutting out dairy and (alcohol completely), and stretching every night. It’s all these things that add up and make the difference. At the end of the day it is empowering to work hard towards my goal.

Although I am just focusing on all the things relating to running, it’s rubbing off on everything else. I feel more balanced in other parts of my life by improving my training attitude. So my word of the week is discipline, and I challenge you to find some areas that your discipline can improve as well.


Stay disciplined