Before and After can be a Painful Reminder

The picture above is me on July 4th, 2013 vs me on July 4th 2017 (minus at least 40 lbs.)

One thing that I have mentioned a lot so far on my blog is how a few years back I lost 40 lbs, after completing a New Year’s Resolution in 2015. Losing weight and becoming wellness focused is a brink of midnight moment in my life that has changed me in mind, body, and spirit, (also check out the Brink of Midnight podcast if you are looking for some new motivational podcasts).

Now, losing weight, or a certain number on the scale has taken a back seat to other goals and dreams. I can tell without weighing myself if I am making healthy choices or not, and can feel changes in my body without stepping on a scale.

What I haven’t gotten over is looking at old pictures of myself. And now our phones and facebook constantly remind us what we looked at in years past. If I come across an old picture thoughts creep into my head like:

Ew I can’t believe I walked around like that

How did I let myself go so badly

I just look sad and can tell how uncomfortable I was

Why didn’t anyone tell me I looked to fat

It’s the sad uncomfortable truth. I can say that I have gotten into a habit of trying to immediately change my mindset when these negative thoughts come into my head. Having such negative about yourself, even your past self, is completely toxic, so I try to pivot them into thoughts like:

How lucky am I to have people around me that love me no matter what I look like

My body has to be so happy it’s not carrying around dead weight

Think about how much longer and happier life you will live

Look how far I have come

Kado in 2014 vs Kado 6 monthes into 2015 -30 lbs.

Although most of the time I have moved on from anything resembling my past unhealthy lifestyle, I still feel pain when I look at pictures from my heavier days. What really spurred this recently was putting on an old shirt on the Fourth of July. I don’t own many articles of clothing that are older than a year or two. I really purged everything that doesn’t fit. Thank you Plato’s closet.

There was a time when I planned on stashing a few pairs of my old pants at my mom’s house, just in case I gained the weight back. I’m so glad my mom didn’t let me, and reassured me that I would never turn back to that unhealthy of a lifestyle. The pants are really a metaphor for letting go of the past and looking into the future.

So almost everything that didn’t fit I purged, but hey, I had to save my trustee old American flag shirt. I mean it always comes in handy once a year. Well I put it on this year and thought back to an old photo I cringe at. The stringy sides of my shirt are completely pulled tight and I just see all the weight in my face. Now this shirt is actually baggy and I can really see the changes in my waist and face.

I think I look alot healthier and active in my most recent picture. Which makes me realize that in another couple years when I look back at pictures, I will thank myself for making healthier choices, rather than continuing the path that I was on. So like the clothes I purged, I need to purge the negative thoughts, because they don’t fit anymore.

Overall what I have realized about looking at old pictures is that I need to let go of the past and look forward to the progress I will make as an active healthy life eventually pays off.

What are your thoughts on before and after pictures? Let me know in the comments.

Let go of the past and look towards the future,


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